Irish Coast Guard Called To Investigate ‘Dinosaur Bones’ Found In River Boyne

Firstly, we should make something very clear off the bat here. Under no circumstances are these real dinosaur bones. I am sorry to be the bearer of this bad news, but alas, this whole endeavour has been nothing short of a red herring. I am as disappointed as you are, believe me. I too was looking forward to the prospect of completely having to rewrite Irish history so as to imagine how the Celts and their dinosaur neighbours could ever possibly have co-existed – presumably quite badly. However, I should at this point make it abundantly clear that, I am no historian, and as such my timelines on whether these two groups ever overlapped may be somewhat off.

However, all of that is now, simply academic, as these ‘bones’ that were discovered in the River Boyne, prompting the coast guard to be called, have turned out to be fake. Aside from the fact that such bones, having survived for however many millions of years would almost certainly have disintegrated if they were exposed to a river, perhaps the most confusing part of all this is the fact that the coast guard were called to deal with this.

Does ‘dealing with dinosaur bones’ somehow fall under their remit, or was the emergency services operator, contacted by whoever discovered the bones, simply at a loss as to what service to connect the person with. Given that we’re dealing with bones, it’s probably a bit late to send for an ambulance. What with them being submerged in water, there’s probably very little risk of their spontaneous immolation, so a fire-truck would be largely redundant. It also seems unlikely that the dinosaur, given that it is however many millions of years dead, probably hasn’t committed any crimes worthy of notifying the Gardaí over, so they too are out. Which, seems to suggest that it is indeed up to the coast guard to deal with such a situation.

It is unclear who actually put the fake bones there. However, if their goal for putting them there was to have a largely irrelevant article written about the whole debacle on a frothy web-based publication, then congratulations, they have succeeded their ultimate goal.

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