So a user on Reddit, by the name of ‘Coolkirky’ – presumably this is simply an online moniker and not his given name – has pointed out something that is sure to shake the very foundations of Western civilisation. Occasionally, some grand thinker, some pie-eyed dreamer will come along who sees between the lines, a visionary who perceives what has been in front of our eyes this whole time, but which we have been too blind to recognise. The first millennium had Christ, the second; Nostradamus, the third; Coolkirky.
He has realised something so profound that whole world-views will change, history books will be torn up and we will blink with dazed eyes in the new light of the grand truth which he has helped illuminate.
Theresa May has the same hair as Father Ted. Father Ted had the same hair as Theresa May. They are, follicurlarly speaking, identical twins. They are so beautifully similar, it seems like an interchangeable hairpiece, like what Lego men have, you look from one to the other, and all that changes is the head, the perch if you will, for the hair. The same coquettish fringe swept slightly to one side. The same mysterious sort of spout of hair in the middle of their head, from where the parting emanates, but also seems to be more a hairy fountain, a central point from which rivers of silvery hair flow. And of course, the volume.
That volume. My lord. The hair may be short, yes, but that is no reason that it can’t be plump and boisterous, like some glistening grey ham. Their hair is thick and layered. It is a volume I’m envious of, but seems consigned to a select few, namely Theresa May and Dermot Morgan.
The fact that Theresa May has apparently modelled herself on a deceased Irish character comedian, is, it has to be admitted, baffling. I once tried to model myself on Liam Gallagher. I brought a photo to the hair salon and asked them to make me look like the photo. The haircut lasted three hours and resulted in me having to pour my meagre teenage resources into purchasing a hair straightener to keep up the desired effect. It was too much effort. We can only hope that a similar situation has unfolded here. That Ms. May’s personal hair-dresser had sat down with her and asked ‘What would you like me to do for you today?’ and Theresa had simply pointed to a television, muted in the corner, playing a rerun of Father Ted and said ‘That. Do that on this,’ while she pointed from Father Ted’s hair to her own.
Of course this isn’t the first time a world leader has modelled themselves on a famous character comedian. Adolf Hitler famously based his image on Charlie Chaplin as he was such a large fan of the chuckle merchant’s whole ‘tiny moustache’ vibe. Now, there are very few contexts within which anyone would happily be compared to Adolf Hitler and this is certainly not one of them. It seems that running PR for Theresa May is, at the best of times, something of an uphill struggle, but cultivating parallels between yourself and a despot is surely route-one stuff.
Anyway, the thread is pretty fantastic. I hope that your world view has been changed by this seismic revelation. As you were.