Condoms, their uses are, primarily, twofold. The first, and predominant usage, is to help consenting adults to safely engage in whatever form of sexual intercourse most appeals to them. Their second use is perhaps more inadvertent; condoms are also seemingly used to put every single secondary school student off the idea of eating bananas for about a week following every typical sexual education class.
It is indelibly etched into the mind of every single student who ever attended one of these classes, the sight of latex being unfurled along the length of a banana. A positively harrowing sight that is enough to keep you awake at night and put you off the idea of getting even within spitting distance of a banana for some time. One might even reasonably speculate that it is a ploy by some of the other big hitters in the fruit world – your pears, your apples, your plums etc. – to try turn generations of children against the wildly successful banana. So, giddy with the excitement of perhaps being on the cusp of exposing some grand conspiracy involving both pharmaceutical companies that produce condoms and large fruit conglomerates, I proceeded to do some research into the possibility of collusion by these shady powerhouses.
A cursory Google search for ‘Big Apple’ yielded shocking results. However I soon came to realise that, rather than the entirety of the city of ‘New York’ being behind this shadowy ploy to surreptitiously turn a generation of children against bananas, it was simply a nickname for the aforementioned metropole. And so I demurred, tail (metaphorical) between my legs (actual).
All that, is to help, in a quite roundabout way, bring me on to the main throughline of this article, the very raison d’etre for its conception – and that it is to help ward you off conception. An Irish pharmacy chain, CarePlus, are running a Sexual Health Awareness Week from tomorrow, Tuesday 12 Feburary, to the following Tuesday, 19 February. As part of this promotion, they will be giving away free Durex condoms to customers.
Rejoice! For free, high-quality latex sheaths can be yours if you but simply visit your nearest CarePlus pharmacy.