Christmas means many things to many people. For some, it is a time for family; for the less-sentimental, it is a time of lucrative material acquisition and for lovers of having trees indoors, it is a time of year where their proclivities are pretty much granted free reign. However it is perhaps above all maybe – maybe – the one time of year, where people will judge you less harshly for purchasing matching jumpers for you and your dog.
Don’t get me wrong, all right-thinking people will still pour dozens of gallons of scorn all over you – and rightly so. But, if pressed, I’d say most people would concede that, if there was a time during the year when it was marginally more acceptable to buy a set of identical jumpers, one for yourself and the other for your no doubt, confused and increasingly disgruntled dog, then it would probably be Christmas time.
Again, this is not to condone this behaviour, however if this was a life-choice you wanted to make for yourself, I will of course not stop you. Such is the price of freedom, it affords us both opportunity and the opportunity to make mistakes. If, you did however want to go down this road and alienate your more cynical friends then you could shoot your cyber-chuff down to Boohoo.
The online retailer, who with this move into dog-jumpers have, in one fell swoop, cornered the market on ‘cutesy presents for that co-worker you fancy and drew in the office kris kindle’, is selling the jumper for €14.00.
It’s worth briefly taking a moment to stare this dog in the eyes and realise what we are all complicit in. I have never seen an animal’s sense of self-respect visibly evaporate in a single photo. The longer you stare into his eyes – those warm, chocolatey pools – the greater the sense of shame that appears to radiate from within him.
Look at the next photo.
This dog has no idea that it is being forced to pose in a way that is supposed to be mockingly sexy. This poor dog is oblivious that I have thought – that other people seeing these jumpers on Boohoo.com will think, or that you reading this now will think – “Ha ha, look at him, look at this dog posing as if he’s being sexy. Ha ha, this dog thinks he can smoulder.” This dog knows shame. Shame is now burned into its very essence.
Also, as I’ve been writing this it has come to my attention that Aldi are taking a two-footed plunge into the realm of canine festive-wear. They have unveiled a line of family pyjamas and Christmas jumpers that include a matching dog jumper, they will be available from December 2 in all Aldi stores throughout Ireland.
This phenomenon shows no signs of abating, no matter how many dourly cynical articles can be churned out to try stem the tide. We must embrace dog jumpers, embrace them for the beautiful travesty that they are.