Two Love Island Stars Got Married Over The Weekend, And Here’s An Article On That

If a tree falls in a forest and there’s no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? If two ex-contestants of a reality television show, predicated on sourcing a partner for collaborative sexing, get married and don’t sell the exclusive image rights of the wedding to a glossy, red-top magazine does their love even count?

To which the answers are; ‘yes of course’ and, ‘no, the artifice of their love is simply a vessel which they seek to monetarily exploit in ever more shameless ways – I’m guessing,’ respectively.

While this may sound like little more than the cantankerous ire of a bitter man who knows that no magazine, red-top and glossy or otherwise, would be interested in any photos of him and so is cynically consoling himself atop some undeservedly summitted moral-high-ground, let it not distract us from the true reason we’re here – the marriage of two ex-Love Islanders.

Unfortunately, this is not an announcement that Jack and Dani have wed – nor is it to declare that Dr. Alex has suffered a catastrophic mental collapse, hijacked a catamaran and traveled to international waters to marry a horse – though that, Is a piece of news that I think we can all agree is very much in the post. Instead, it is to bring to your attention that Olivia Buckland and Alex Bowen, who finished runners-up in the 2016 season of the show, are now legally able to avail of the various tax incentives available to married couple, for they have wed.

Sharing a post on Instagram teasing the front-page cover of OK! Magazine, which covered their wedding, Olivia Buckland made the announcement. In their interview with the magazine she apparently described the day as “overwhelmingly perfect”. Overwhelmingly perfect. It achieved a level of perfection so pure that it apparently looped back on itself and actually ceased to be enjoyable.

Even just looking at the cover, there’s a lot to dissect here. Take the quote ‘When we saw each other we just burst into tears’. We can only assume that there’s a positive connotation here, but, divorced of further context, that is little more than idle speculation. Given that Alex Bowen apparently arrived by helicopter – an entirely needless affectation that would only have been a necessary mode of travel were the ceremony taking place on an off-shore oil-rig (it wasn’t, it took place somewhere in Essex) – perhaps he’d gotten his tie caught in the helicopter’s rotors and it was the sight of his wind-ruffled hair and tattered suit as he entered the church set that Olivia off? Again, without greater context – context only available were I to purchase the magazine when it’s released next week – a rubicon I refuse to cross – the reason for their tears will remain the preserve of mystery.

H/T: The Vow