Stop whatever you’re doing. Whatever you are doing right now will inevitably be less important than this piece of information and consequently, you should cease your activities to divert your full attentions hither – to be fair, this does not apply to surgeons who are mid-operation, long-haul goods drivers or pilots – a dolphin has been spotted swimming in the Liffey.
Really, this article could end here with a brief nod to the video, captured by one Darren Farrelly, showing the slippery beast navigating its way upstream along the Quays, but, alas, there is a word count to be filled.
Dolphin in the liffey this morning ? #dolphin #dublin pic.twitter.com/hH0kuMZ7Nz
— Darren Farrelly (@DarrenFarrelly1) November 28, 2018
Due to this unyielding obligation to meet basic contractual requirements regarding article lengths, we will hereby embark on some errant speculation as to what could possibly motivate a dolphin to enter into the Liffey on a frigid Wednesday morning.
1) The dolphin is an avid reader of Lovin’ Dublin and has been motivated by their incessant drum-banging about the virtues of a frankly over-priced and oft-drab city to come for itself and see what all the fuss is about. We are led to believe that it was finally made this decision having read an article entitled ‘The 7 Best Marine Mammal Friendly Cafés In Dublin 6’.
2) This lone sighting is actually just the thin-end of the dolphin-wedge and it simply the first to arrive for the dolphin AGM which this year is to be held in the International Conference Centre. We can only hope that its unconventional ‘Coke can’ design won’t trigger harrowing memories for some dolphins whose relatives may perhaps have gotten caught in plastic rings that were used to hold such cans and were so irresponsibly dumped into oceans for decades.
3) The dolphin is actually a man dressed as a dolphin on a stag-do who, during the throes of the festivities last night, has fallen into the river and is in significant distress. If this is the case, it is nothing short of a damning indictment on us all that none of us have intervened and come to his aid.
4) It was driven here, confused due to abnormal temperature fluctuations in the water caused by climate change, and is seeking to begin a new life for itself in more amenable climes – though has since decided against this move due to Dublin’s exorbitant rental and housing market.
If you are in the area, endeavour to see this beautiful marine mammal while it is still here/ before it gets a flipper caught in a submerged trolley and has to be rescued by the DSPCA.